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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Lindsay Lohan has a new boyfriend

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God, do we have to do this after time? “Lindsay is definitely starting to turn to him when things get bad.” Because they’ve been dating for what? A week? And Adam Senn has already become a bit player in Lindsay’s drama. Yeah, I bet he lasts.

By the way, Dina Lohan wants everyone to know that after Lindsay’s whirlwind trip to India - in which she took credit for saving the lives of 40 children and was called out for her lies - Lindsay is now “a changed woman.” Dina told Page Six that Lindsay was “humbled and moved” by the trip and that “Lindsay definitely wants to give more back. We are now planning a trip to help the children of Guatemala — which will be filmed by Oprah’s network.” For f-ck’s sake. Not Central America! That’s where the drugs come from!

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Just hours after the hearing - it was reported that Dina is demanding $40,000 in child support, while Michael claimed Sunday that it’s only $15,000 - spies say Lindsay showed up at her sister Ali’s 16th birthday party at Abe & Arthur’s with Senn, whom we reported she was dating on Dec. 10.

And while her, err, doting parents can’t agree on much, they both seem to think that Adam is a winner.

“Dina really likes him,” the source says. “She thinks he is ‘good for her.’”

Michael wasn’t on the guest list for Ali’s fete, but he too seemed pleased with Adam when asked about Linds’ new man Sunday.


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“If he’s a good guy and he has no addictions, and he’s a good influence on her, then God bless him. It’s a good thing,” he told us.

And although Michael says he would have liked to meet the former “City” star at the party, he admits he’s not shocked he wasn’t invited. “I’m not surprised I wasn’t welcome at Ali’s dinner,” he says. “In light of what’s going on between Dina and I, and being so public with the things I’ve said in regards to Lindsay’s well-being, I can understand how Lindsay and the kids would be upset and not want me there.”

Indeed, Lindsay has publicly dismissed her dead-beat-dad, but an insider claims that his absence is still hard on the troubled starlet.

“Everything that’s gone on between Lindsay and her dad has really taken a toll on her,” the source confides, adding that “Adam is the one really positive thing going on in her life.”

The snitch also claims that Senn and Lohan were texting and calling each other over the holiday weekend - and are certainly acting more serious than “just friends,” which LiLo has claimed via her Twitter page.


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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Britney Spears still crazy.....

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Things have been running smoothly for Britney since her father took over. It’s been almost two years since her huge breakdown and she seems back to normal. Honestly, I didn’t expect her to be able to complete her tour, which ran from the beginning of March to the end of September with only a couple of one-month breaks. She also did 14 dates in Australia last month. Apart from yelling that her “p*ssy was hanging out” and getting slammed for lipsyncing in Australia without providing a live video feed for the audience, we haven’t heard many complaints about her tour. She only missed one gig due to an issue with the promoter. Sure she lipsynced and strutted around, it’s what she does. Sadly she may have to do it for a while in order to continue to pay huge lawyer bills, child support payments, and staff. At least she seems happy. Well, sort of.

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The judge didn't specify how long the conservatorship will remain in place, but lawyers involved in the matter tell TMZ they expect it to last somewhere between six months to a year.
Under the ruling, Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, will continue to receive a $16,000-a-month payment for his duties. Andrew Wallet -- the co-conservator -- was also granted a $174,569.10 payment for services rendered between July 2009 and November 2009.
The judge also authorized Britney's conservatorship to kick out close to $300,000 in attorney's fees.

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It was an expensive day in court Tuesday for Britney Spears. In a Los Angeles courtroom Commissioner Reva Goetz ordered the co-conservatorship of Britney Spears to continue, with her father, Jamie Spears, to continue to receive $16k a month for his duties as conservator of his daughter.

Goetz also ordered the co-conservator of Britney, Andrew Wallet, to be paid $174,569.10 for services rendered from July 2009-November 2009.


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In addition Goetz ordered Jamie’s attorneys to be paid $183,918 and attorney Joel Boxer to be paid $62,965.06. Another law firm was ordered to be paid $50k. Jamie Spears was also allowed to continue to receive $1200 for office space.

Samuel Ingham, the court appointed attorney for Britney Spears, said in court that, “She [Britney] accepted the accounting as filed and had no objection to it.”

Other housekeeping issues concerned continuing to seal all medical and certain business transactions because of “trade secrets” and the commissioner also increased the bond for the conservatorship from $1 million dollars to $25 million. Bond is similar to insurance in conservatorship cases, so if anything were to happen to Britney’s money she would be covered and reimbursed.

The next court hearing is scheduled for January 14th. Fees for Laura Wasser, Brit’s legal ace divorce attorney will be dealt with at that time.


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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Rihanna poses 'topless' for GQ

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It’s interesting that Rihanna says she learned that “love is blind” - she told Diane Sawyer that she learned “f-ck love”. I tend to think “f-ck love” is a better motto, because the whole “love is blind” thing doesn’t really apply to abusive pricks. I mean, if the guy’s hitting you, who cares what he looks like? That’s what I take from it. I also find it interesting that Rihanna is adamant she got through the difficult period on her own - I suspect (as I’ve said before) that she’s still very screwed up over the entirety of the Chris Brown stuff, and she’s going to be playing with these submission-dominance images and substance for a while. Let’s hope she comes through okay!


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By continuing to speak out about Chris Brown’s violent Feb. 8 attack, Rihanna says she is slowly moving past the ugly incident.

“It’s relieving,” the singer, 21, says in the January issue of GQ. “Because it was built up for so long, and all these thoughts and emotions have been running through my mind for the past eight months. And now it’s like I finally get to let go and move on.”

Although she says doesn’t like “talking about it” a lot, “every time I do, it’s better; it’s easier each time.”

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She says she finally decided to speak out about the incident because “I wanted to move on. And I knew that was the only way I could have done it. And I wanted people to move on with me. ‘Cause the last big thing they know about me is That Night. And I don’t want that to be what people define me as.”

Although pal Jay-Z gave her “advice and guidance,” she says “nobody” helped her move past the incident.

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Saturday, December 5, 2009

Miley Cyrus in a bikini

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Because I want to see what this whole jail thing is all about, here's Miley Cyrus' in Miami today proving there should be a law against 17-year-old girls working out. I'm serious, if they're off-limits for an entire year, they shouldn't be allowed near a gym. That's like telling a bear not to eat a deer only to turn around and slather one in salmon and Snickers bars which is probably the creepiest metaphor I've ever come up with. No one look at me right now.

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The 17-year-old singer was snapped enjoying a relaxing day with friends at the Fontainebleau Resort on Miami Beach as she lay by the pool having wrapped up her Wonder World world tour the night before.

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But it wasn’t the skimpy neon pink two-piece that attracted all the attention, but what appeared to be the words ‘Just Breathe’ tattooed in black ink on her ribcage just under her left breast.

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She also appeared to be describing the design to her friend after she was snapped gesturing at it with her hands.
In theory, Miley is not legally allowed to have a tattoo as she is under 18, which is the legal age to be inked in the US.


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However, after her brother Trace recently revealed that all the Cyrus family were planning to get matching ones, Miley may have been given permission to get one from her country singer father Billy Ray.

One fan’s blog this morning suggested that she got the tattoo in memory of a nine-year-old girl called Vanessa who passed away from cystic fibrosis in 2007.
Cyrus met Vanessa at a Los Angeles hospital and instantly connected with her, describing her as one of her best friends.

There was no word from Miley’s agent today to confirm whether the tattoo was a permanent or temporary one.

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Miley was photographed later that afternoon leaving the resort wearing a Jonas Brothers t-shirt in homage to her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas.


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She is currently dating Australian actor and former Neighbours star Liam Hemsworth, 19, who she met while filming the Disney movie The Last Song.

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Here are more shots of Miley Cyrus in Miami yesterday that reveal the "Just Breathe" tattoo under her jailbait breast which has set the Internet ablaze because, let's be honest, everyone on this thing is filthy perverts. I don't care if you're shopping for bibles on eBay to feed to orphans, you're really looking at sexy stuff. "But we only got Grandma a computer because she wanted to Google quilts." Sure, she did.

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Thursday, December 3, 2009

Emma Watson in a bikini

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Emma Watson, who is going to Brown University and had publicly started she wants to be out of the public spotlight, went to Jamaica and hung out on the beach in this tiny bikini.

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Now, I'm a little confused... not about her conflicting actions, but about why more celebrities can't do this.

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I want every chick to be all, "Please, don't take my photo, I'd like my privacy," while sticking out her chest and pushing her boobs together. Really, life is already full of mixed-signals, at least these ones would be fun.

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Because perverts make up 98% of The Superficial's traffic - And 110% of the editorial staff. (I have a conjoined twin.)

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- here's a bikini-clad Emma Watson in Jamaica this morning. For any young Harry Potter fans accidentally stumbling upon this post, you're probably experiencing strange feelings you've never felt before.


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But don't worry, those feelings are perfectly natural and are only going to send you to Hell for a fiery eternity spent wishing you only thought about baseball and free market capitalism.

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No biggie.


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Friday, November 20, 2009

Megan Fox’s NYT outtakes courtesy

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I’d really like to hope that this is not really the way Angelina feels about Megan. What I want to believe is that either Angelina is like “Megan who now?” or that Angelina’s like “I’ll shank that sk-nky little poseur if she comes near me.” As much as the media seems to want to make the Angelina-Megan thing a competition, or that Megan is “replacing” the 34-year-old Jolie, I don’t really think that’s their dynamic. I think Megan stalks (”the comparison is the bane of my existence” she says), and Angelina is aware, but doesn’t really love or hate Megan. Certainly, Angelina wouldn’t care enough to give advice to Megan. Just my take.

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Transformers starlet Megan Fox, 23, has unabashedly talked up her lesbian trysts, wild temper and self-cutting. But Angelina Jolie has some advice for her young doppelganger: Shut your mouth.

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According to a Jolie source, “Angie has been saying, ‘That woman acts like a fool. She needs to mind her Ps and Qs. She’s saying shocking things for attention, but those things will follow her around and be reprinted forever.’”

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Jolie, of course, speaks from experience, the pal adds: “Angie said, ‘I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was young and told me that. Now I’ll forever be known as a lesbian or a self-cutter, instead of what I worked so hard to become. You have to put a muzzle on it!’”


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Sunday, November 15, 2009

Nicole Kidman acts odd

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The Huffington Post has a poll up about Nicole’s lips, and they have a series of close-ups of Kidman’s lips throughout the years to compare and contrast. Once you look at them, it does become obvious just how “plumped” she’s getting those puppies.

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Us Weekly piled on too, pulling Nicole’s old quotes about how she’s all-natural: “I am completely natural. I have nothing in my face or anything.” Us Weekly then quotes Dr. Martin Braun, a Canadian Botox doctor, who claims that Nicole is so “over-Botoxed…frozen and strange” that she looks like a bat. Seriously.

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Just when everybody gets on the bandwagon about how rough Nicole’s Botox-injections-surgery stuff looks, that’s just when I start feeling badly for her. I used to think she was totally crazy to mess with her beautiful face, and I hated her a little for how waxy and unmoving her face had become. Now that everyone’s picked up on it, I think people should give her a break. She fears the reaper, y’all. And having that frozen face is punishment enough.

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Everyone was talking about Nicole Kidman at the Country Music Awards in Nashville. “She looked freakish,” said one witness. “She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan.” The Aussie actress didn’t want to be interrogated on the red carpet and fled, leaving behind her perplexed husband, Keith Urban. “She just flipped out and took off running,” said our source. “Keith kept saying, ‘Where is she? Where is she?’ ” Kidman’s reps had no comment.


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Sunday, November 8, 2009

Michael Lohan tried to sell Lindsay recordings for $100,000

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You have to watch the video and see and hear Michael to really understand why it’s absolutely necessary I punch him in the face. Normally I go with something a little more vague and gentle, like “I wanna kick him in the ear,” or “I’d like to step on his stomach.” But whenever I do that I’m always thinking how I’d really love punch that person in the face. And with Michael Lohan, I’ve just got to say it. He needs to be punched. A lot. I’ll give the requisite disclaimer that you shouldn’t. But oh my God would I understand it. Just saying.

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If that all weren’t enough, Michael also says that God is taking Lindsay’s career away from her. You remember that part of the Bible, where God is talking to that douchebaggy guy and is all, “Thou shouldn’t snort things up thou’s nose. And if thou doest, I shall smite you with straight-to-DVD film roles.” (That was a little bit of old school God and a little bit of Shakespeare).

After the first tape was released, Lindsay tweeted that her father was a “loser.” On her Twitter site yesterday, in an apparent reference to her mom, LiLo tweeted, “She blames herself for staying w/him for so long, I’d beg her not to leave b/c he always threatened to kill her if she did.”

But Michael told The Post’s Rita Delfiner, “That’s a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I’m going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies.

“No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her,” Michael continued. “Because she’s forsaken everything He’s given her and she’s done nothing but misuse all the gifts she’s given.”

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Oh the sanctimony. It is perfectly God-like and Christian to escalate things in a childish war of retaliation with your own daughter. But if she says things about you that you don’t like (and which may well be true), then God’s taking her career away.

You just know this isn’t going to end well. “Well” would be Lindsay going into rehab. And Michael falling down an elevator shaft or something. But the way this drama is escalating, it feels inevitable that pretty soon we reach the climax. I think everyone can see it but the Lohans.

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Monday, November 2, 2009

Jessica Simpson calls Melrose ‘crap’

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I could go off about how dumb and naïve Jessica is, but frankly I like that she’s unconditionally supportive of her sister. It’s nice when your family loves you so much that you can do no wrong. Well, to an extent. But Ashlee’s bad acting definitely falls under the family umbrella. They all probably think she’s amazing and super talented, and I think that’s sweet.

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All that said, getting kicked off “Melrose” supposedly hasn’t taught Ashlee any lessons about her acting skills.

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Us Weekly mentioned that she doesn’t want to return to singing, that she’s been spending most of her time going over scripts, and that “‘acting is her focus now.’”

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God save us all. I was only able to sit through the show a time or two, but watching Ashlee’s scenes was excruciating. She was so bad it actually made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, and I had to stop watching.

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If she’s really got her little heart set on acting, I’d say she should probably set her feet in motion towards a good acting class. Or seven.

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In case you’re interested, here are some priceless pics of Jess at Halloween. Maybe it’s me, but it looks like her left boob is trying to go drastically different places from her right one.

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